Natural Empathy: Who Do We Really Feel It For?

 Two people made mistakes. Both are regretting their decisions.

For one person, I feel deep empathy. I want her to relax and focus on the present. I feel for her. I’m not angry with her. I want to be there for her — almost like fixing something I didn’t even break.

For the other person, who also made a bad decision, I feel the total opposite. Every time she brings up the topic, I remind her again and again: “I told you not to do it. You knew the consequences. Now you got what you deserve. Just make a decision that helps.” My approach with her is practical, harsh, and sometimes arrogant.

I don’t understand why I feel so differently toward two people who made similar mistakes.

Let’s call the person I feel empathetic toward Person A, and the other Person B.

In the case of Person B, I had clearly told her the consequences. I had warned her. With Person A, it never even crossed my mind to warn her.

Could this be one of the reasons?

With Person B, I had already put in my effort. I was fully aware of what could go wrong, and I tried to make her aware too. When she still went ahead, something inside me shut down emotionally. With Person A, none of that happened.

Another reason could be that I have fought with Person B, but not with Person A. Maybe unresolved conflict has changed how I emotionally respond to her.

Or maybe it’s a natural human instinct — a bad habit — where we feel more drawn toward people who are popular, respected, emotionally unavailable, or those who don’t really care about us. We seek validation from them.

Person A fits that image. Person B does not.

Or maybe it’s as simple as this: I like Person A, and I don’t like Person B.

Whatever the reason, I want to change.

I want to be empathetic toward everyone who is going through something in their life. People make mistakes. People are not always aware of their situation, how to deal with it, or even how to recognize that something needs to be addressed.

I hope to understand why I acted this way — to learn how the human mind works, and also to understand how I may be treated by others because of it.

Why I Am Addressing This

I am talking about this because I feel abandoned by people who are actually close to me.

When I was a child, I was not the desirable kid. I was often neglected. To be more precise, people were annoyed by me and by my presence.

I wonder if this is something that makes people lose empathy for someone... if you are not loved or cared by anyone,  you'll be the one suffering like Person B!

Will I be the one who is always judged, abandoned, and left alone to deal with my own pain? Like I treat Person B!

Do we really need someone to love us , to feel empathy towards us?

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